Rambling on blogging (blogging, which is often rambling)

I’m so impatient.  When there needs to be a process I just want a result.  Skip, hop… There!  I’m on the final square!  Really, always, the journey is the essential component in most things that matter because that’s where the learning (and hopefully growth) takes place.  I recognize that same tension in lots of things in my life, this little blog being one of them (the journey to being the best mama I can be is bigger and more involved!).  So I’m mostly sure my little epiphany about blogging won’t matter to anyone but me (or even make sense to others) but part of the “a ha!” tells me I should just get it down here.

My disclaimer, and you must really understand this before you read any of the following, is that what works for me is probably not what works for you.  There is NO JUDGMENT about what others do in any of my thoughts on what I should or should not do.  The democracy and freedom of blogging should be the core of the medium, in my humble opinion. 

That said, here goes: Blogging is an odd thing to me, still.  I really love having a space of my own and it’s the only thing I consistently do for myself (aside from showering, I suppose).  I’m actually reserved, private and somewhat shy in numerous situations so the odd dichotomy of this private nature coupled with sharing things here is still something I reconcile.  It’s always been important to me that this is not a space where I blog about the boy but about being a mama.  It’s not his baby book but a glimpse into toddler life.  He doesn’t make choices about whether he wants intimate details of his personality or photos of his cute mug shared with the world, so I’m reserving his right to make those decisions later in life.  So there’s that.  It’s that mama/me part I struggle with. 

I read lots of the yarnstorm debates when The Gentle Art of Domesticity came out and found it fascinating.  There was a lot about modern feminism thrown in there, and some of the little comments made bigger points about what it is to be a woman, mother and creative individual today.  Essentially, for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, this woman’s book came out full of beautiful photos and a broader look into a life of knitting, baking, mothering, etc. than what’s provided almost daily on the woman’s blog, yarnstorm.  There was a big “storm” in England that actually reflected lots of the criticism about the Martha Stewart empire here, in my opinion.  Some people thought a focus on the “unattainable” was a waste while others appreciated the beauty.  It’s much more involved than that but that’s the crux of the argument. 

OK.  Then I also read Keri Smith’s “rant on blogging” (scroll to November 17th) and found myself thinking… “Yep!”  Leave it to her to write something so succinct, honest and reflective.  Not all of what she writes there fits with my thinking, but much of it does.  At the same time I’ve had so many people write or talk to me over the past year about blogging, particularly in the crafty/motherly milieu and I’ve reflected on it a lot.  As people mentioned in the comments a few posts down you edit your life in a blog; it’s a snapshot.  Others have mentioned how difficult it can be to take all of those snapshots in and to reconcile that with one’s own reality.  And then it all came together: yarnstorm, Smith, slices of life and my uneasy dance of comfort level here with knowing how and what to share. 

There are so many blogs I love to visit for that view of what, for me, will always be the unattainable.  I like the pretty pictures.  I get inspired by the creative production.  The views of childhood make me smile.  The thing is to remember that those are slices of life, snapshots and embedded in all of that are decisions too.  Sometimes a little bit of that is about selling something also.  The thing is to stay on the right side of inspiration and not slip into that nasty problem of comparison, because that’s one of the rotten things about life, that comparison.  When you compare, you slice and fixate and oftentimes you forget about the whole picture that is your body or your family or your reality… You as a mama, you as a woman. 

All year I think I’ve felt some unease when my words don’t reflect the beauty around us.  Simultaneously I feel best when I write my own truth and there is always someone who says something to the effect of, “Thank goodness you said that.  That’s exactly how I feel.”  I feel uncomfortable with too much of the mundane (what’s the point, I ask myself), but the mundane shines through when I’m anxious about just telling it like it is.  My “a ha!” was realizing that I shouldn’t feel bad when this space isn’t just the good of it all.  I don’t think I want it to be that.  It’s not that I want to bitch and moan here (excuse the language but that's the appropriate wording for this right now), and I definitely don’t want the impression I project to be a “less than” mama because I don’t have it all together.  But I don’t.  And too often I think we, as women (and maybe just we, as people), bombard ourselves with the perfection of the slices of life we see on television, work or in playgroup or crafty blogs and we slip into comparison.  Everyone then does that comparison and feels too cruddy about “inadequacies” to share the honesty of their life. 

I think, what if my boy looks back at this archive of thoughts and wishes and occasional exhaustion some day?…  How will I feel about “snapshots” that aren’t just beauty alone, but rather more of the honesty of our life?  The answer is, truly, that I want him to see the good and not-as-good parts because one day, maybe, he’ll be a father experiencing his own thoughts and wishes and occasional exhaustion.  I’d rather he saw more of my truth.  It’s not like I’m going to take a picture of the dirty dishes in the sink, but I might say I’m desperate for an hour with coffee out in the world where no one needs me to do anything for them.  There’s lots of good, but being a mama, trying to hold on to non-mama pieces of myself without feeling like a total cliché, working through being a woman in the 21st century (one who spent loads on a Masters degree but stays at home baking bread and laughing with a toddler)…  Well, all of that is difficult.  There’s beauty in it and lots of joy, but there’s also difficulty and choices.  Really I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who feels like she has it all together; I think that might be why more of what I’m really feeling can show up here instead of just beauty alone.  Totally hokey, but I think I need to just embrace the mama I am and the life we have.  The damn draft excluder still isn’t done but my boy doesn’t watch TV and still won’t play (safely) on his own for any extended period of time.  That’s that… Decisions, reality, future production stored away for a different sort of beauty. 

I’m just not going to have tons of beautiful items for an Etsy shop right now.  Piles abound.  I should exercise more, eat better, sleep more, worry less.  I need to find more time for myself.  I need to relax.  I cook good meals for my family, keep a tidy home and have piles of fabric full of possibility.  I appreciate glimpses of others’ beauty in my days and I appreciate the joy all around me, every day.  Life is good, being a mama is tough and wonderful.      

So the journey of blogging continues and this space always changes to reflect that process and that growth.  This space inspires me to create and write more, helps me look at my life in different ways and helps me feel connected to a world of people older than two.  Skip, hop, skip, hop.  All of the rambling really just means I’ve decided to feel OK about choosing not to highlight only the good.  Sometimes I wish more people would.  But I don’t want the beauty to go away either.  That’s that.   

Comments

[kirsten]

yes, yes. i enjoyed reading keri's rant, too. is it just me, or have you noticed that as a blogger gets more and more subscribers they seem to become less genuine? every post has to be poignant and perfect and becomes less personal. i always wonder if they have 2nd blogs to record the everyday stuff now. but i'm guessing no.

[Sarah Jackson]

Brava! Your space should always be true to you and whatever it needs to be on that day. We all have bad days and there's no shame in that. When we share the hard days, we all grow together.

[Melissa]

Well said! I couldn't agree more with everything and have the exact same feelings. Thanks for taking the time to share!

[Holly]

That's that. Well said.

[emily]

amen.

[Ana Fonseca]

It's so weird! I feel like I needed to read this post today. Thank you!!!!

[Jessica]

Right on.

[tiffany]

excellent points. i went through something similar to this some months ago. it is hard to resist comparisons, especially when there are some bloggers that seem to be in the same boat but when they are moored side-by-side, you realize that the other blogger has a better rudder or extra oars (or the other boat is actually a yacht). something that you didn't even realize you needed until you saw the other boat. i have definitely had days when i will gawk at other people's lives, my eyes glowing green but then i step out of the blog and back into my world. i can try and make my blog reflect only the loveliness of my life but i would feel dishonest. i enjoy reading about other people's struggles because the hard times make the sweet seconds so precious. that is just my preference. i like reading about other mothers who get overwhelmed and uncertain, it gives me perspective and makes me less lonely as a mother. i've enjoyed reading your blog as you discover the world of staying home with your son. your candid posts balance each other, reflecting the truth of your life. thank you for sharing your days here. take care.
xo,
tiffany

[Amy]

beautifully written and eloquently said. I relate most with:

"When you compare, you slice and fixate and oftentimes you forget about the whole picture that is your body or your family or your reality… You as a mama, you as a woman."

I struggle with this. Your blog is one I visit regularly to 'see the pretty' and admire your way of putting 'pen to paper.'

Personal Truth. It's all that really matters when you sum it all up.

[lindsey]

wow. wow. i feel like you summed up my thoughts that i hadn't finished thinking on blogging and motherhood. thank you for putting it out there and being real.

[lindsey]

wow. wow. i feel like you summed up my thoughts that i hadn't finished thinking on blogging and motherhood. thank you for putting it out there and being real.

[lindsey]

wow. wow. i feel like you summed up my thoughts that i hadn't finished thinking on blogging and motherhood. thank you for putting it out there and being real.

[h.]

When I started my blog, I started with the intent of talking about what I do. In my real life, my day to day, nitty gritty life, everything revolves around my husband's work. It is the nitty and the gritty of our lives. Do I talk about my husband's work on my blog? No. Never. I talk about my husband and what he does in his off time, but never his work. Is my blog a Real window into our lives? No. Never. Because I choose to leave out a major part of our world. Is my blog-life idealized because of this? Yes. But all the things I talk in about in my blog are real. All of them are important to me. Do I talk about bad things that happen? Yes... but only when they don't have to do with work. In my life, I need a space that is about me.. about what I bring to the table. I need to remind myself about what is beautiful, fun, creative, and colorful. It's not about profit, or popularity, or readership. It is about sharing the things that otherwise get shuffled to the bottom of my life.

[Grace]

All very well said, and I really agree with you a lot. I started my blog in part because I was going through some severe depression, and I was finding it very difficult to notice anything positive in my life. I think I am pretty open about the fact that the purpose of my website is explicitly to share only positive aspects of my life because I would lose them otherwise.

My blog has suddenly quadrupled in hits and almost doubled in subscribers ... a link from a more well-known blogger, my advent posts, and my blogaversary givaway are responsible, I think. One person wrote me a very sweet and thoughtful email about not letting it go to my head, as it were (paraphrasing). I was so touched that she was sincerely concerned about me in that way. I'm thinking a lot right now about this idea that as a person's blog (let's just say mine) gets more traffic, the perception of that person (let's just say me) becomes less realistic. I don't think I'd have to change my content at all and people might still perceive that I had become less "real" than I was before I had so much traffic. Does that make any sense? Not like I'm a celebrity or at all famous or anything just because I have 100 subscribers now. I do think it's kind of strange -- surreal -- that people are perceiving me as being some kind of supermother or something, because I am SO not that. Just a regular woman and mother.

And I love to blog because it gets me writing, and it gets me recognizing good things in my life that I might really let slip by otherwise. I'm rambling too much now. Too late for these thoughts. Anyway, there's my input.

[Caroline]

Yes! Well said. I've wanted to say this myself, but didn't want to be perceived as a curmudgeon.

About seven months ago I got SO SICK of all of the issues that you mentioned in your post. So I stopped and I started to live again.

I'm blogging again because I love to see what others create, and I draw better when I know that even one person is watching.

[Marnie]

yes yes yes!
now, must bookmark to read later when my daughter is asleep....oh yeah, after the dishes, after, after...
funny, i've only been blogging for less than a year, and all those issues are coming to a head now already. sincere thanks for an honest rant - will ruminate this later :-)

[Pinky]

This post was so timely to me. I've started my own blog and struggled with the exact same issues. You do such a good job expressing your thoughts in a conversational way, and I appreciate your struggle to maintain honesty. I, too, appreciate the beauty of the crafty, lovely blogs, but I often leave the computer feeling frumpy and boring, and sometimes less than a great mom. So here's to you, friend! Thanks for helping me have clarity today!
Pinky
www.cheeseinmyshoe.blogspot.com

[Rebecca F.]

Fantastic post filled with wisdom and honesty. I absolutely loved it.

Rebecca F.